


And Alone I'm Spared...

by 1f_this_be_madness



Series: Beyond the Rhapsody [18]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Actually I don't think I'll ever stop writing about these mates, Anniversary, Canonical Character Death, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epic Friendship, Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Gwil and Joe's friendship is friggin amazing and I love it okay bye, Gwilym Lee Is a Sweetheart, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nicknames, Photographs, Sad, Short One Shot, What Have I Done, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: It's a sad day. An anniversary. And in grief one feels so alone, yet is not always alone.(Or, Joe Mazzello is thinking about and visiting his father on the anniversary of his death)
Relationships: Ben Hardy & Gwilym Lee & Rami Malek & Joe Mazzello, Gwilym Lee & Joe Mazzello
Series: Beyond the Rhapsody [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1390516
Comments: 16
Kudos: 14





	And Alone I'm Spared...

It is an anniversary.

Anniversary. Joe isn't a fan of that word. Not in this situation, because it evokes joyful connotations--of love and weddings and togetherness. But this, though it truly is an anniversary of love, it is one of love that has been lost.

Joe Mazzello shivers at the site of solid grey stone, which he stands before, feeling as though in some ways he is faking everywhere but here. He feels a sharp pain flare within his chest, and his body shakes as he shuts his eyes and places one pale hand over the offending place. Feels his eyes filling as his throat begins to close. Coughs and sniffles and blinks, unable to muster a smile. Even as he recalls good things, happy memories: laughter, jokes, journeys. And then how those things all started to stagnate, slip away in sickness, until the only remnants left were photos and memories and exhausted, heartbroken smiles.

And love. So much love.

He stands and rocks a bit on his heels as his sister leans into his side, as his brother claps him on the back. His mother can't make it up to stand as close as Joe does, and he cannot blame her. Can't blame anyone in his family for how strongly they still feel. He stays closer longer than they do in their own processes of grief.

Anniversary. Thanksgiving. Prayer. Sorry for your loss. Chin up, kid. Your dad would be so proud. _Would be._ Not is, because there is no 'is', not anymore. He is gone.

Yet sometimes Joe forgets. He wants to call to ask a question or get advice or talk about his day. Even just to say hello, to hear his father's voice. Like right now.

Joe breathes and kisses his fingertips and snaps a picture, extending his hand with a whispered "Hi, Dad," to his father before he begins to write a post and to remember. Tears begin pouring down his face after he posts. Blurring the bright light of the phone screen and of the instant affection-filled response from Ben--doing work on a new project but still able and available to type a _"love you, mate xx"_. Sweet Benny. Rami has been amazing as well, with his own quiet knowledge and understanding of what Joe is going through due to losses of his own. And Gwilym... Joe lets out a sob. Wishes that his friends were here.

Hears footfalls then and wipes at his eyes as he hears his brother say "He's over there." And for the first time in his life, Joe cannot muster cheer. 

"I'm sorry I'm late," a familiar voice speaks gently, seeming winded. A long arm wraps around Joe's back. "Hi Joey. Hullo Mister Mazzello."

Eyes wide, tears glazing his pale cheeks, Joe looks up into the finely-boned features of Gwilym Lee, seeing those sparkling blue eyes focus first on the stone and then on him, palm of his hand running up and down Joe's back. "Gwil," Joe chokes out, turning into his tall friend and grabbing him by the jacket and by both arms, burying his face in Gwilym's front. Reassuring himself that his friend is really here. "Oh, Gwilly, you came."

"Of course I came," Gwil twines both arms tightly around his friend. "Have to be here for you whenever you might need me. I --knew this day was going to be a hard one for you. As well as for your family." Gwil blinks tears of sympathy from his own eyes as he continues "I, ah, talked to Ben. He was absolutely devastated that he couldn't come, but sends all his love."

Joe expels a slight hiccough. "Yep, just saw on Instagram he sent me, well." Joe looks back up at Gwil, who lifts one long hand and wipes his cheeks for him. "--You know Ben."

"I do," Gwil speaks softly. "Says he loves you, succinct and to the point." Leaning his cheek against Joe's dark hair and then kissing him on the forehead, "Speaking for all of us, he is. And what I have to say, is" lifting his face and turning as he keeps one arm wrapped around Joe, "Thank you, Mister Mazzello." Inclining his head with respect as he faces Joe's father's final resting place, gaze warm, tone of voice rich and sincere: "Thank you so much for your son."

**Author's Note:**

> I write this with immense respect for Joe Mazzello and for his family. The idea came to me from my own loss, and upon recalling an Instagram post Joe made, one of many for his father. I also know that Rami lost his own father years ago, so that is where my mention of his understanding comes from.
> 
> In loss one feels alone, but I wanted to show--through Gwil in particular and all those in Joe's life here, that we can work through the griefs that haunt us with the help of those we love.
> 
> Gwil and Joe's friendship is important to me. All their friendships are truly lovely
> 
> The title of this piece is from the Queen song "All Dead, All Dead" by Brian Harold May
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments are always appreciated <3


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